Are you good at listening to people? When you become a good listener, your communication skills and personal attractiveness will improve”i tamed my ex husbands mad dog spoiler“. This time, we will introduce “top-notch techniques for listening” that will make a difference in both work and private life, from the most talked business books.
For some reason I am not doing well at work. I’m tired of interpersonal relationships at work. I can’t speak well with people I meet for the first time…
Don’t you have such a problem?
If you can’t communicate well with others, you may be focusing too much on “how to talk?”
Your communication skills will improve dramatically if you turn your attention to “How should I ask?”
In addition, the number of people who think that you are attractive will increase, and you will be greatly different from others in both work and private life.
Best-selling author and representative director of the Japan Listening Association Yoshinori Matsuhashi’s latest book, ” First-rate, Second-rate, Third-rate Listening “, introduces the techniques used by first-class listeners.
What is the way of listening using “pacing” used by first-class?
When do you think people feel close to others?
That’s when I feel that “I’m on the same wavelength as this person” or “I’m similar to myself.”
A communication technique that matches the wavelength of the other person and makes them feel like themselves is called “pacing.”
This time, I would like to introduce this “pacing” technique described in Chapter 3 of this book. The best way to listen is to use three pacings: words, voice, and body.
1: Pacing of “Words”
When you are listening to the other person’s story, you will respond with “yes”, “yes”, “haa”. If the backtracking is monotonous, the other person will not get the sense that you are being listened to.
People who are not good at listening will give opinions, give advice, and ask questions while listening to the other person, rather than backtracking.
Some people do “conversation thieves” by changing the other person’s story to their own, saying, “Speaking of which, me too”i tamed my ex husbands mad dog spoiler”.” These are all distracting and offensive listening styles.
Top notch listening often uses the pacing of “words” when listening.
The pacing of the words repeats the words used by the other party as they are in a parrot return.
By parroting back, you can feel that the other person is “receiving my story properly” and “I’m interested in what I’m saying”.
In this book, it is written that “the basis of parrot return is one word”. Parroting back a phrase is too long and disturbs the other person’s speaking rhythm.
“Yesterday, I didn’t finish my work, so I worked overtime until 9:00.”
Try to listen to the other person until the end while parroting back without inserting unnecessary paraphrases, words, or questions.
Verbal pacing can also be used in messaging.
I think that many people are increasingly communicating online both at work and privately, but please use it when exchanging messages such as chat and LINE.
2: “Voice” pacing
The best way to listen is to match the tempo, volume (loudness), pitch, etc. of the other person’s voice and have a conversation.
By observing the tempo of the voice, it can be classified into those who speak fast, those who speak at medium tempo, and those who speak slowly.
A fast talker needs a quick and tempo nod. If you respond slowly to someone who speaks quickly, you’ll feel like, “Does this person really understand what you’re saying?”
On the other hand, if you respond quickly to someone who speaks slowly, it will make them feel like they are being rushed.
In the same way, it is important to speak at a volume that matches the volume of your voice. If the other person is loud, he will be loud too. If his voice is small, he is also small.
As for the pitch of your voice, if the other person speaks in a calm low tone, you should try to respond in a calm low tone as much as possible. If the other person speaks in a high, clear voice, you should also speak in a high, clear voice.
Listen carefully to the other person’s voice and be conscious of how to use the same voice.
Are you good at listening to people? When you become a good listener, your communication skills and personal attractiveness will improve. This time, we will introduce “top-notch techniques for listening” that will make a difference in both work and private life, from the most talked business books.
3: Pacing the Body
There are many types of physical pacing, but postural pacing is one of the easiest and most powerful techniques to do.
In training for new hires and manners, I think we are often told to “straighten up and listen”.
However, if you keep your back straight and have a conversation in front of someone who is slouching and doesn’t have a good posture, you may be able to convey your politeness. “I feel like I’m not accepted.”
The best way to listen is to listen with the same posture as the other person.
If the other person sits deep in the chair, you sit deep too. If he sits shallow, he sits shallow himself.
If the other person is slouching, bend your back and lean forward to listen.
If your opponent has a straight back and a puffed chest, you should also straighten your back and puff out your chest.
If your posture is similar, the distance of your heart will be closer. It makes you think, “This person is trustworthy.”
In this book, “If you match your posture, you will strangely be able to understand the other person’s feelings more deeply, and your empathy will increase. When the wavelength of the body matches, the wavelength of the mind also matches.””i tamed my ex husbands mad dog spoiler”
Observe the opponent firmly and try to match your posture.
It is not the person who speaks well that wins people’s heart, but the person who listens well.
If you try to listen with awareness of the three pacings I mentioned today, you’ll get a lot closer to being a good listener.
In addition to the ones introduced in this book, there are many secrets to becoming a top-notch listener. Please take a look and take a look.